Albert Semple

This page collates the complete works of Albert Semple, a Scottish poet born in Ayrshire in 1980. Works can be browsed and opened from the A-to-Z alphabetical listing of all works below, or via the collections index which groups the same poems into collections by theme.

• Address to the Haggis (29 lines)
• Auld Lang Syne (2nd Verse) (4 lines)
• Awaiting Gentrification... (24 lines)
• Bathroom Minimalism (18 lines)
• Be Kind — Rewind (10 lines)
• The Bear Hunt (10 lines)
• Bond — Man with the Gold Finger (or Something IDK) (8 lines)
• Boris' Apology (64 lines)
• The Brake Pad Muncher (8 lines)
• British Units (12 lines)
• The Brontosaurus (4 lines)
• Buying Christmas Gifts for Mariah Carey (26 lines)
• The CO Silence (8 lines)
• The Canadian Hairdresser (4 lines)
• Cancel Culture (17 lines)
• The Cat Dictators Song (8 lines)
• The Celebrant's Tale (192 lines)
• Charlie's Coronation (4 lines)
• The Christian Meaning of Halloween (8 lines)
• The Christian Meaning of Halloween (Scots) (8 lines)
• The Christmas Puppy (8 lines)
• The Cost of Christmas Crisis (8 lines)
• The Crackit Heidstane (Scots) (8 lines)
• The Crypto King (12 lines)
• The Dark Abyss (16 lines)
• The Dick Institute (12 lines)
• Dog in a Shell Suit Haiku (3 lines)
• Dyson Fury (21 lines)
• Elizabeth Truss — Prime Minister (20 lines)
• England's 6 Nations Penguins (8 lines)
• Enzo's Italian Holiday Home (4 lines)
• The Essential Scots Phrasebook for Visitors (20 lines)
• A Eulogy for Bob (32 lines)
• Expressing Legitimate Concerns (12 lines)
• Fascism in 21st Century Britain (28 lines)
• Free Speech (8 lines)
• Free Speech (Scots) (8 lines)
• Freedom of the Press (20 lines)
• From Buckie, with Love (8 lines)
• General Prologue to the Tales of the Jury (424 lines)
• Geoff the Chef (8 lines)
• The Ghost of Art Garfunkel (24 lines)
• The Gigolo (17 lines)
• The Gluten Glutton (24 lines)
• God Tax the Queen (7 lines)
• Graveside Lament (8 lines)
• Happy Birthday, Jay (4 lines)
• Heart on my Sleeve (10 lines)
• If Only... (8 lines)
• The Ikea Academy (4 lines)
• Immigration vs Hunger (Limerick) (5 lines)
• The Influencer's Tale (WIP) (191 lines)
• It’s Awright tae Pee in the Sea (Scots) (27 lines)
• It's OK to Pee in the Sea (28 lines)
• It's OK to Pee in the Sea (for Children) (19 lines)
• The Lass fae Freuchie (Scots) (4 lines)
• Let the Wealth Trickle Down Upon Me (Limerick) (5 lines)
• The Lonely Heart's Haiku (3 lines)
• Love with Agoraphobia (4 lines)
• Mair than Juist a Bad Poet (Scots) (16 lines)
• The Many Unsuccessful Invasions of Maybole (40 lines)
• A Massive Bequest (16 lines)
• Modern Poetry (6 lines)
• The Mother's Tale (160 lines)
• My Bum isn't Big (12 lines)
• My Favourite Time of Day (16 lines)
• My Sister — the Facebook Entrepreneur (12 lines)
• My Trusty Laptop (8 lines)
• 'Nam is short for Cheltnam (38 lines)
• The Nanny Dog (48 lines)
• The Natural History Museum (16 lines)
• Newport 9 (12 lines)
• Nostalgic TV (12 lines)
• Off The Hook (24 lines)
• On the Supreme Court Ruling on Scotland's Independence Referendum (12 lines)
• The Online Rhyming Dictionary (16 lines)
• PTSD (28 lines)
• Parents' Night (12 lines)
• The Passive Aggressive Neighbours (32 lines)
• The Peculiar Anatomy of Brian McClurg (8 lines)
• Plagiarism (8 lines)
• Poem for the writing prompt #Interface (4 lines)
• Police Standards (4 lines)
• Priti's Plan All Along (Limerick) (5 lines)
• Public Speaking (4 lines)
• The Queen's Speech (24 lines)
• Real Sex Education for Men (28 lines)
• Resignation Letter of Rt. Hon. Timon Featherstonehaugh (12 lines)
• Ripped Jeans (12 lines)
• The Russian Advent Calendar (4 lines)
• Sacred Spaces (20 lines)
• The Sair Neebours (Scots) (32 lines)
• Sawny Bean (12 lines)
• Scare-the-Weans Semple (24 lines)
• Schadenfreude (12 lines)
• Schwarzenegger's Dream Role (16 lines)
• Science Fiction Date Night (16 lines)
• Second Person Pronouns (16 lines)
• Silent Characters (16 lines)
• Sir Elton's Rabbit (4 lines)
• So Stop the Clocks (16 lines)
• The Socialist Media Influencer (24 lines)
• The Soldier's Song (30 lines)
• The Super-Injunction (20 lines)
• A Text Message from my Mother — Found Poetry (14 lines)
• They Promised Us robots (32 lines)
• Things I Learned from my Australian Penpal (20 lines)
• Things I'd Rather Do (12 lines)
• Things That Don't Exist (12 lines)
• To a Clown (8 lines)
• To the Driver of the Audi on the A4042 (24 lines)
• The Traveller's Tale (240 lines)
• Valleys People (4 lines)
• Vincent's Last Christmas (8 lines)
• Wakefield and Tiverton (12 lines)
• Weight Loss Tips (6 lines)
• We're All Going to Die! (17 lines)
• WFH Rituals (20 lines)
• Wish.com disappointment (4 lines)
• Writing Letters To People and Burning Them (16 lines)