This is the long-form, static Blog of Albert Semple. Interactive microblogging, including the ability to comment on posts, is available via Mastodon.
A short poem and anecdote of a recent trip to an Ebbw Vale spar shop.
A Scots poem for Boris Johnson on Burns' Night
A short, light poem exploring what Arnold Schwarzenegger's dream film role could be.
An attempt at a secular poem for use in funerals where Christian ceremonies would typically use the "Ashes to ashes" prayer.
Please spare a thought this time of your for whoever has to buy Mariah Carey a Christmas present — a poem documenting my many failed attempts to satisfy her.
A loosely "Found" poem based on a collection of real, parental text messages that performed well on social media (11.5k upvotes!)
Another "Bad Pun" poem for the collection.
A spooky ghost story for Halloween featuring Simon and Garfunkel. Mostly Garfunkel because he was always the scary one.
A Scots poem describing character traits of Ayrshire legend, Sawny Bean.
A poetic retrospective of our least competent Prime Minister in British history, Liz Truss.
Poem documenting the alternative facts I learned about Australia from my penpal.
Poem recalling how I accidentally caused panic for a cat owner.
A poem with two topics. Firstly the popularity of the Tories in Scotland, and secondly the strange Scottish place names that aren't pronounced as they are spelt.
A poem which questions what we really know about the dinosaurs.
If they drink bucky in Lanarkshire — what do they drink in Buckie?
Two poems based on well known children's books, rewritten for adults.
A poem educating men on what to expect with the transition to middle-aged.
You won't believe this ONE TRICK that can help if you're struggling with the bathroom scales.
A poem setting out my legal defence when issued with a speeding ticket.
An old poem that recently became topical, advising wealthy people how they can leverage their wealth to avoid scrutiny of their affairs by the press.
A short poem based on a bad pun, giving further evidence I'm a flawed human being!
An infographic (or possibly a concrete poem?) which sets out how much the change of monarch cost the taxpayer — it's over £1bn.
A serious poem about fascism in 21st century Britain.
Reminiscence of 90's TV, if only I could get my streaming services to work...
A warning for CERTAIN selfish visitors of my website.
A poetic guide to how different units of measurement are used in the UK in 2022.
A short poem for my wife on Mothers' Day.
The key literacy challenge in Kilmarnock is not access to books, rather the name of its library.
A rewrite of Happy Birthday for Jay.
A prose collection of unsolicited monologues from characters encountered on typical day in Glasgow.
A modern take on Robert Burns classic Address to the Haggis, written in English.
A poem exploring the sanctity of our sacred spaces, and what types of people me might want to ban from them if there was evidence to support it.
A poem explaining how the second person prounouns (you/your) are pluralised in Scots.
A poem accounting for one of my many aesthetic deficiencies.
Remembering the feedback from my teacher at the last parents night before I went off into the big bad world.
I understand writing poems that rhyme is unfashionable but here are a list of other unfashionable things I am or do as well.
Got one of those fancy imported advent calendars this year — really nice.
Poem about a depressed man trying to check-in to a dark Ibis.
A case of mistaken identity leads to the narrator overhearing a hurtful admission from his wife.
In this poem, the narrator tries to make us all feel better about our current economic situation by sharing an anecdote of hardships past.
Support vintage technology — its not only cool, but also better for the environment than buying new. My own laptop is ancient!
Proudly not investing in the blockchain since 2009.
Never got the point of Haiku, and writing this one hasn't converted me.
I've created a new tool that allows anyone to experience what it's like to express left-leaning opinions on Twitter without having to actually sign up or even visit twitter.
A dark-humour poem with some sage advice from a therapist interpretted the wrong way.
An unusually serious poem about the Supreme Court's ruling that the law does not permit Scotland to self determine its status.
A creepy guest poem from Mastodon poet Mr Uku.
A short poem about the construction of my mate Enzo's dodgy holiday home.
Poem about a residents expectations of being "gentrified", as predicted by local estate agents.
A special guest poem by Albert Kirk Jnr (another Albert) that I wanted to share.
A little poem I wrote about my (claimed) contribution to the academic world.
Scotstober 2022 entry, where I explain the back story of Halloween in rhyme.
Poor Geoff. Workplace bullying isn't nice, but if it's to fictional characters, is it allowed to be funny?
Another poem for the 2022 Scotstober event, this time using the word "clap".
An abandoned poem for the Twitter "Scotstober" event
Attempt at making carbon-monoxide funny! Instead it just came out very dark...
Poem about the impact of trickle down economics on everyday people.
Reflections in anticipation of Queen Elizabeth II's funeral on Monday 19 October.
New verse for the national anthem, observing the enormous tax break we give to one of the richest families in the UK.
A poem about a very Welsh form of vanity.
Fictional member for Dogging-in-the-Wold, the Rt Hon Timon Featherstonehaugh MP, resigned from Boris Johnson's cabinet today.
Satirical poem on the results of the June 2022 by-elections. Includes root-cause-analysis for the Conservatives.
Trying two new things — Scots language, and being funny. I'm possibly stretching too far on both.
A handy guide for anyone who is stressed about other people's entitlement to use gender-specific toilet facilities.
Setting the ground rules for my possessions in anticipation or being Marie-Kondo-ed.