Real Sex Education for Men

A blog post by Albert Semple

2 Jun 2023

We get sex education as boys to prepare us for puberty, but there's not equivalent syllabus for the transition to middle-aged, so I've tried to close the gap with a poem

Remember at school, before puberty hit,
When us boys were all given some coaching
To give us a lesson on things to expect
With our adulthood changes approaching.
But when you're a man, no such lessons exist
To prepare you for what will ensue,
For after testosterone's peaked and declined,
There's no syllabus ready for you.
So filling the void I have written this rhyme
With experience that I have gauged,
Some things I've observed since I first made the switch
From an adult to just middle-aged:
A bald spot appears at the back of your head
Then your forehead goes back to subsume it;
You'll still have thick hair, but it grows out your ears,
And your barber takes extra to prune it;
If young people give you a look in a bar
Don't assume that they feel an attraction —
Assume that they think you resemble their dad
And don't think that they're up for some action;
You'll wake up to pee at least three times a night
And you'll suffer with stress from your job;
Your balls start to hang a bit lower each day
'Til they hang past the tip of your knob;
You might feel the urge for a sporty new car —
A convertible one with some grunt,
But know that the car doesn't make you look cool,
As we all think you look like a cunt. — Accessible version

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