Real Sex Education for Men

A blog post by Albert Semple

2 Jun 2023

We get sex education as boys to prepare us for puberty, but there's not equivalent syllabus for the transition to middle-aged, so I've tried to close the gap with a poem

Remember at school, before puberty hit,  When us boys were all given some coaching To give us a lesson on things to expect  With our adulthood changes approaching. But when you're a man, no such lessons exist  To prepare you for what will ensue, For after testosterone's peaked and declined,  There's no syllabus ready for you. So filling the void I have written this rhyme  With experience that I have gauged, Some things I've observed since I first made the switch  From an adult to just middle-aged: A bald spot appears at the back of your head  Then your forehead goes back to subsume it; You'll still have thick hair, but it grows out your ears,  And your barber takes extra to prune it; If young people give you a look in a bar  Don't assume that they feel an attraction — Assume that they think you resemble their dad  And don't think that they're up for some action; You'll wake up to pee at least three times a night  And you'll suffer with stress from your job; Your balls start to hang a bit lower each day  'Til they hang past the tip of your knob; You might feel the urge for a sporty new car —  A convertible one with some grunt, But know that the car doesn't make you look cool,  As we all think you look like a cunt.
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