Kilmarnock's Literacy Problem

A blog post by Albert Semple

11 Mar 2023

When I lived in Kilmarnock, it didn't seem remotely funny that we called the library "the Dick", but looking back, that had real comic potential.

All literate men educated in Killie,
Would never take literature out of their willy.
Although they'd agree such behaviours are sick,
They've all taken books or CDs out the Dick.
If curious folk yearned for insects and creatures
And wanted to study their structure and features,
They needn't explore in the undergrowth thick:
They're nailed to the banisters right in the Dick.
When back in Kilmarnock to see my old granny,
Who'd never stick scabby old cats in the fanny,
I'd think how the Council decided to stick
A mangey old specimen right in the Dick.
Accessible version

The key literacy challenge in Kilmarnock is not access to books, rather the name of its library.

The key literacy challenge in Kilmarnock is not access to books, rather the name of its library.

Anyone else remember the impaled butterflies? They used to be in the display cases on the ballustrade on the first floor balcony round the atrium. Looks like those display cases now shows images frm Kilmarnock past, but as a kid, it used to be filled with moths and butterflies pinned onto boards. I remember worrying if they were already dead when they were pinned on, or if the pin is what killed them!