Letters from Australia

A blog post by Albert Semple

30 Aug 2023

I never did the whole "travel to Australia for a year to find myself" thing. But I've several friends who did do it.

In this poem, I've documented some alternative facts about Australia. The "facts" come in pairs- — there is an intro that is factually true or at least plausible (e.g. they do have a mammal that lays eggs), followed by a punchline that aligns with the first statement but is false (e.g. the egg-laying mammal isn't the koala). So the narrator has picked up some true factual information, but corrupted it with detail that makes it false.

I don't know how the planet turns,
 Or why, but I believe
That when we're having Christmas Day
 They're having New Year's Eve.
Their seasons are inverted
 So they keep their own routine.
Like when we're having Easter,
 That's their time for Halloween.
Their mammals can lay eggs
 That's why koalas build a nest.
They're South of the equator:
 They get sunrise in the West.
Their plumbing works the opposite
 From how most people think:
The taps are twisted clockwise
 When you need to fill the sink.
They change the names of products:
 They have one called Vegemite.
We have the same stuff here
 Except we call it Araldite.
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