Awaiting Gentrification

A blog post by Albert Semple

18 Nov 2022

Here I've imagined a resident in an area which estate agents are saying (optimistically) is going to be "gentrified".

Me and all my neighbours,  having lived here quite a while, We know each other's names  and always give a nod and smile But all of that might change quite soon,  at least it is implied: Estate agents are saying that  we're being gentrified! They say they're bringing coffee shops,  and florists to the road, Mums riding round on cargo bikes  with children as their load. A nick-nack shop, a gallery,  a fancy new boutique. We'll all be middle class,  and we will change the way we speak. My house will not be 16B —  it needs to have a name. We cannot drink prosecco now —  we'll only drink champagne. Celebs will live among us,  proper ones off BBC, Like Brendan Lynch the runner-up  from Bake-off season three.
Accessible version

The expectations start reasonably, with a coffee shop and a florist, but then gradually escalate to the ridiculous, imagining top tier celebrities moving into the area.

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