Awaiting Gentrification

A blog post by Albert Semple

18 Nov 2022

Here I've imagined a resident in an area which estate agents are saying (optimistically) is going to be "gentrified".

Me and all my neighbours,
 having lived here quite a while,
We know each other's names
 and always give a nod and smile
But all of that might change quite soon,
 at least it is implied:
Estate agents are saying that
 we're being gentrified!
They say they're bringing coffee shops,
 and florists to the road,
Mums riding round on cargo bikes
 with children as their load.
A nick-nack shop, a gallery,
 a fancy new boutique.
We'll all be middle class,
 and we will change the way we speak.
My house will not be 16B —
 it needs to have a name.
We cannot drink prosecco now —
 we'll only drink champagne.
Celebs will live among us,
 proper ones off BBC,
Like Brendan Lynch the runner-up
 from Bake-off season three.
Accessible version

The expectations start reasonably, with a coffee shop and a florist, but then gradually escalate to the ridiculous, imagining top tier celebrities moving into the area.