To the Driver of the Audi on the A4042 — Blog post from Feb 2024 by Albert Semple

21 Feb 2024

This is an address to a driver the narrator has taken umbrage at.

It's a work of fiction, I don't have a specific incident, vehicle or driver in mind, but most drivers will have encountered this sort of person at some point in the driving career.

My car has a dipstick
That is used to check the engine oil level.
Your car has a dipstick
Who sits in the driver's seat
And accelerates to close the gap
When someone indicates to move
Into the lane ahead of you.
Our cars are unalike.
My car has a knob
That adjusts the volume of the stereo.
Your car has a knob
Who makes rude hand gestures
And angrily flashes the headlights
At any perceived flaws
In other drivers' performance.
Our cars are unalike.
My car has big end bearings
That connect the pistons to the crankshaft.
Your car is occupied by Albert bell end
Bearing a striking resemblance
To an angry toddler in a baseball cap.
Our cars are unalike. — Accessible version

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They Literally Buy Any Car