Buying Xmas Gifts for Mariah Carey — Blog post from Dec 2023 by Albert Semple

10 Dec 2023

Please spare a thought this time of year for whoever has to buy Mariah Carey a Christmas present.

I know she says she doesn't want anything, but can you imagine the look of disappointment on her little face on Christmas morning when she realises it's me! That's all she's getting!

I got her a nice cast-iron Dutch oven,
But she said ＂I don't want a pot for Christmas.＂
I got her at 33 foot sailboat
with sleeping accomodation,
But she said ＂I don't want a yacht for Christmas.＂
I broke into an unoccupied property
to set up an illegal home
we could both live in for free,
But she said ＂I don't want a squat for Christmas.＂
I wrote her a complex storyline
that I thought could be made
into a Hollywood blockbuster film,
But she said ＂I don't want a plot for Christmas.＂
I wired up her exercise bike
to a small generator
that produced exactly 5 volts at 0.2 amps,
But she said ＂I don't want a watt for Christmas.＂
I gave up,
decided to move on with my life
and hopefully meet someone
more appreciative of my generosity,
But she said ＂I don't want forgot for Christmas.＂
She told me, all I had to do
was make a nice casserole
for Christmas dinner.
She said, ＂All I want for Christmas, is stew.＂ — Accessible version

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