Buying Christmas Gifts for Mariah Carey

by Albert Semple, 10 December 2023

  1. I got her a nice cast-iron Dutch oven,
  2.  But she said "I don't want a pot for Christmas."

  3. I got her at 33 foot sailboat
  4.  with sleeping accomodation,
  5. But she said "I don't want a yacht for Christmas."

  6. I broke into an unoccupied property
  7.  to set up an illegal home
  8.  we could both live in for free,
  9. But she said "I don't want a squat for Christmas."

  10. I wrote her a complex storyline
  11.  that I thought could be made
  12.  into a Hollywood blockbuster film,
  13. But she said "I don't want a plot for Christmas."

  14. I wired up her exercise bike
  15.  to a small generator
  16.  that produced exactly 5 volts at 0.2 amps,
  17. But she said "I don't want a watt for Christmas."

  18. I gave up,
  19.  decided to move on with my life
  20.  and hopefully meet someone
  21.  more appreciative of my generosity,
  22. But she said "I don't want forgot for Christmas."

  23. She told me, all I had to do
  24.  was make a nice casserole
  25.  for Christmas dinner.
  26. She said, "All I want for Christmas, is stew."

by Albert Semple
26 lines over 7 stanzas.