My Bum isn't Big

A blog post by Albert Semple

14 Jan 2023

Three poems in three days — I'm on a winning streak! This time I'm accounting for some of my aesthetic deficiencies.

My bum appears big on initial inspection
But that's an effect of Mercator projection.
It's prone to exaggerate certain dimensions,
Which causes unfortunate misapprehensions.
Like Russia and Canada, both appear skewed
Whenever a map of their borders is viewed,
While Congo, Uganda and Kenya seem small —
When seen in the flesh they're not little at all.
It's all an illusion by Gerard Mercator
That's caused by the magnitude from the equator.
My bum isn't big when it's properly viewed —
It just appears so at this high latitude.
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