The Crypto King

A blog post by Albert Semple

5 Dec 2022

It never felt right, that a bunch of numbers generated by burning electricity in huge arrays of computer processors suddenly had value. And that value got eye-wateringly high at times, spurred on by celebrity and influencer endorsements.

The security was supposed to be built in by the blockchain being "decentralised", but when investors are all using common trading platforms to buy, sell and hold their coins (some of which were invented by the very exchanges that are selling them), then suddenly it's not so decentralised — it's all centralised around a few exchanges.

And with the news of the collapse and poor governance around the FTX exchange, the risk has been realised and a central hub in the decentralised technology disappears along with the investors money.

The narrator of this poem claims to have got stung in the grift, but doesn't appear to have learned his lesson.

I sunk all our savings in crypto accounts.
My friends got invested for different amounts.
"Decentralised banking!" I would reassure,
"The Blockchain will keep all our money secure."
But crypto exchanges — I was quite surprised
To learn that they weren't really decentralised.
And now they're collapsing, it's taking its toll
To learn all our money went in a black hole.
My friends are all skint, and they're all blaming me,
Postponing retirement to seventy-three.
But when their financial predicaments ease
Perhaps I could tempt them with some NFTs...
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