The Essential Scots Phrasebook for Visitors

1. A bairn who has a play piece
2.  disnae huv himsel a toy.
3. A loon is no a crazy man,
4.  it's just a Doric boy.
   
   
5. You wouldnae catch an oxter
6.  like an oyster or a troot.
7. You're no suspending footwear
8.  if you're juist hingin a boot.
   
   
9. We dinnae think you're Kenneth
10.  if we ask you if ye ken.
11. And if yer pal is greeting
12.  they're no saying "hello!" again.
    
    
13. A coupon's no a voucher
14.  on the front a someone's heid.
15. A coo is no a pigeon
16.  that you'd feed on nuts and seed.
    
    
17. If children ask tae clap your dug
18.  applause it willnae get.
19. And if you're gettin steamin
20.  you're no getting hot and wet.
    
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by Albert Semple
20 lines over 5 stanzas.