Resignation Letter of Rt. Hon. Timon Featherstonehaugh

by Albert Semple, 6 July 2022

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From the collection "Observations on UK Politics"

About this collection
Boris' Apology (64 lines)
British Units (12 lines)
The Canadian Hairdresser (4 lines)
Charlie's Coronation (4 lines)
Elizabeth Truss — Prime Minister (20 lines)
Fascism in 21st Century Britain (28 lines)
Freedom of the Press (20 lines)
God Tax the Queen (7 lines)
If Only... (8 lines)
Immigration vs Hunger (Limerick) (5 lines)
Let the Wealth Trickle Down Upon Me (Limerick) (5 lines)
On the Supreme Court Ruling on Scotland's Independence Referendum (12 lines)
Police Standards (4 lines)
Priti's Plan All Along (Limerick) (5 lines)
The Queen's Speech (24 lines)
Resignation Letter of Rt. Hon. Timon Featherstonehaugh (12 lines)
Sacred Spaces (20 lines)
Silent Characters (16 lines)
So Stop the Clocks (16 lines)
The Super-Injunction (20 lines)
Things That Don't Exist (12 lines)
To a Clown (8 lines)
Wakefield and Tiverton (12 lines)
Wish.com disappointment (4 lines)

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I'd reimplant my wisdom teeth,
Expose myself on Hampstead Heath.
I'd run a mile in wet cement,
Elect a Labour government.
I'd live with my step-mum-in-law,
Chew toffee with a broken jaw.
I'd staple both my eyelids shut,
Rub salt into a paper cut.
I'd eat a gerbil casserole,
Serve life in jail without parole.
These are things I'd rather do
Before I'd tell more lies for you.
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by Albert Semple
12 lines over 3 stanzas.