The Gluten Glutton

by Albert Semple, 20 July 2022

  1. I'm a glutton for the gluten!
  2.  All my friends are gluten free.
  3. So when we eat in restaurants
  4.  all the glutens come to me.
  5. 'Cos when they ask the waiter
  6.  "Can this dish be gluten free?"
  7. I'll tell the waiter "Save those glutens -
  8.  Serve them up for me!"

  9. I've got a pal named Cecil
  10.  with celeriac's disease.
  11. Says bread and cake and pasta
  12.  all affect him in degrees.
  13. His mouth it loves the flavour
  14.  but his colon disagrees,
  15. So eating any glutens
  16.  brings his trousers to his knees.

  17. But me, I love the glutens.
  18.  I'm a glutton! I'm insane!
  19. I'll gorge on whole-wheat gnocchi
  20.  with a side of quiche Lorraine.
  21. For I'm a gluten gannet!
  22.  Gimme gallons of the grain!
  23. (And hope to God I don't then sneeze
  24.  and shit the bed again.)

by Albert Semple
24 lines over 3 stanzas.