Things I'd Rather Do

1. I'd reimplant my wisdom teeth,
2. Expose myself on Hampstead Heath.
3. I'd run a mile in wet cement,
4. Support a Tory government.
   
   
5. I'd live with my step-mum-in-law,
6. Chew toffee with a broken jaw.
7. I'd staple both my eyelids shut,
8. Rub salt into a paper cut.
   
   
9. I'd eat a gerbil casserole,
10. Serve life in jail without parole.
11. These are things I'd rather do
12. Before I'd do that thing for you.
    
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by Albert Semple
12 lines over 3 stanzas.